DEAR HARRIETTE: When I got pregnant later than expected, people started asking why it took my husband and me so long to have a baby. Soon, many began offering their opinions, suggesting that we should have more children.
I feel overwhelmed by all the comments, especially since they don’t understand our situation. It’s as if they think they have the right to decide what’s best for our family.
We are still figuring things out and aren’t ready to make any decisions about adding more children just yet.
I don’t know how to respond without seeming rude or dismissive. How can I politely tell them that it’s our choice, and they aren’t the ones who will decide what’s best for us?
— Unwanted Opinions
DEAR UNWANTED OPINIONS: People always have opinions about others’ lives, especially when it comes to children. For some reason, they feel they have the right to share their views with others.
This does not mean that you have to accept their thoughts or always bite your tongue when those opinions are offered.
The next time someone begins to tell you what they think you should do in your family planning, stop them. Interrupt and firmly say something like this: “Thank you for wanting to share your opinion on this matter, but we are fine, and we are making decisions on our own.” Then pivot. Change the subject. Or walk away.
If they persist, tell them you are not interested in discussing this with them. This is a private, personal matter that you will not talk about.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I have been married for over a decade, and we own and run a family business, which means we spend nearly every waking moment together.
We handle the stress and demands of the business, and then go home together every evening.
At first it felt like a bonding experience, and we were excited about building something together. As time has gone on, though, the constant togetherness is starting to put a strain on our relationship.
Lately, we’ve found ourselves bickering over minor things, and it seems as though we’re losing the romantic, personal connection we once had.
It feels as if the business has consumed so much of our lives that we rarely get a chance to step back and enjoy being a couple. Sometimes it’s hard to separate our roles as business partners from our roles as husband and wife.
We’re both committed to the business and want it to succeed, but we also want to protect and nurture our marriage. How can we find a healthier balance between our work lives and our personal lives so we can reconnect and enjoy each other’s company again without the business always intruding?
— Too Close
DEAR TOO CLOSE: Sounds like you both need hobbies or other activities that give you time away from each other. There’s nothing wrong with that.
Consider taking classes or assuming other extracurricular engagements that will take you away from each other for a few hours a week. It will give you time to express yourselves and be alone.
You may also want to plan a vacation together. Choose a location that you both will enjoy where you can relax and not think about work. This may help reignite some passion in your relationship.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
